Recovery
by D.C. al Coda
Summary: JJ has been holding in her pain and emotions. When Reid sees that she is doing so, he tries his best to comfort her with, using his own experiences. My response to JJ's missing PTSD.


**A/N: Post #4.**

**Remember that poll I did all those months ago. Well, so many people liked this idea from the poll that I chose to go through with it. Plus, I thought the writers won't do it, so I took matters into my own hands. Besides, there are so many good things they could do with JJ and Reid since, you know, Reid went through the same thing almost SEVEN YEARS TO THE DAY!**

**So this is going to take place sometime during season 10 (as recent Twitter posts involving AJ Cook hint at JJ suffering PTSD). JJ is experiencing a slight bit of PTSD and Reid is the only one who understands.**

**Read, review, and enjoy!**

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><p>JJ walked into the Bullpen following yet another horrifying and gruesome case. The UnSub was torturing women to death after he raped them repeatedly. The team had managed to save his next victim and were forced to take the kill shot after he charged at them with a knife.<p>

The entire case had JJ returning back to the room where she had been held captive by Hastings. All she thought about was seeing Hastings torture her and Cruz; Hastings threatening to rape her; the extreme relief she felt when he died, only thinking she wished that she had put a bullet in his head and in his groin.

Spencer Reid noticed how off-thought his best friend was. Having been through the same thing seven years before, he knew the signs. Reclusiveness, emotionless behaviors; these were telltale signs. He knew he had to do something. Gideon had brought him up out of his slump after Hankel. It was his turn to bring someone else of their slump.

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><p>JJ was sitting at her desk staring at a case file.<p>

"JJ," Spencer called out. "Are you okay?"

JJ was stunned for a moment. "Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" she said.

"What was it you said to us at the bar after Hastings?" Spencer asked skeptically.

"Please don't say that name," JJ said quickly.

Spencer overlooked this and continued. "Wasn't it something about not lying again?"

"Spence, what is this about?"

"I know that you're suffering on the inside."

"Spence, I don't know what you're talking about," JJ said as she stood up.

"Sit down," Spencer commanded. JJ sat back down. "Let's get this straight, Jennifer. You said you wouldn't lie anymore. You broke that promise. Now I know you've been holding it all in since Hastings kidnapped you."

"Spencer, just stop it!" JJ shouted.

Spencer pulled back. "You can't look at victims without picturing yourself in that position, can you?"

JJ stared at Spencer. She shook her head.

"You panic at the thought of being in a room that in any way reminds of where Hastings held you hostage, don't you? You couldn't even walk into your bathroom without feeling a sense of panic. Confinement terrifies you."

JJ nodded.

"JJ, I get it. I've been in that position. I couldn't bear the thought of going into my own bedroom without panicking. Hell, I could barely walk into my apartment after Hankel took me. I still have a hard time looking at crime scenes. Every time, I flash back to that shack where he killed me."

"Spence, that was seven years ago."

"The suffering never really ends."

JJ looked at him. "It doesn't?"

"I wish I could say it does, but I can't. That horrifying memory will last forever." JJ looked down defeated. "But you need to use that memory to strengthen yourself."

"I wish I could," JJ said, started to sob. "He took one of the most tragic events of my life and threw back in my face."

"What was that?"

JJ was quiet.

"JJ, you can trust me. I'll keep quiet."

JJ was still quiet. Then she chose. "When I was gone from the BAU, I found I was pregnant while I was Afghanistan."

Spencer was content. "I guessed as much."

JJ stared at him with wide eyes.

"I read up on pregnancy while you were pregnant with Henry and studied the symptoms just in case someone else on the team got pregnant. I knew you were pregnant about two hours after you joined us in our case to find Emily. When you came back to the BAU as a profiler and there was no physical change, I knew. I was sad for you and Will. I can only imagine how sad he was."

"I never told him," JJ said. "I don't think I ever can tell him."

Spencer took a deep breath. "JJ, I have absolutely no experience with relationships. But I know this, the worst thing you can do is not tell him the truth. He deserves to know."

"But what if he gets angry and leaves me and Henry?" JJ asked.

Spencer paused for a moment. "Then he wasn't as prepared for a relationship, let alone a marriage, with an FBI agent as he thought he was."

JJ frowned.

"I know it sounds bad, but it's the truth. If he leaves because you tell him about the miscarriage, he wasn't as ready as he thought he anything, telling him might be a better choice in general. Is he still trying to get you to quit?"

JJ nodded.

"Those troubles you had before you got married: are they coming back?"

JJ nodded again.

"Then this might have to be the make or break point. You can't build a relationship while convincing your significant other to quit what they love to do most."

"I can't leave Henry without a dad," JJ said.

"JJ, in case you never noticed, most of us here grew up without a father figure as a kid and we turned out fine. I know it's not what you want. Just remember that no matter what happens, you can always count on the team, especially me."

"I just wish Hastings had died in Afghanistan. Then I would never have had to relive that part of my past."

"Don't lie to me, JJ. You've always been reliving it. Hastings just forced you to admit it. You need to get closure on it."

"I don't know how."

"Telling Will would be a good start. You can't keep thinking what could have been. If you look too long into the past, you can never see the present sitting in front of you, much less the future. Nietzsche said 'When you look long into an abyss, the abyss looks into you.'"

"You don't get it Spence."

"Because I've never had the pain of losing a child? I may not have had that experience, but I know the feeling."

"How?" JJ challenged.

"A few months before my dad left, my mom found she was pregnant. She was terrified and scared at the prospect of her having another child. She had gone off her meds when she was pregnant with me and she didn't want the risk of losing her sanity this time. About two months after she found out, she tried committing suicide. She had tried overdosing on her meds. The doctors managed to save her, but not the baby."

JJ's eyes widened. "I'm sorry, Spence."

"I had the same problem with moving on, especially after my dad left. I may not have been in the same situation as you, but I do understand."

JJ put her face in her hands. "I just don't know what to do."

Spencer tapped her shoulder. She looked up at him.

"Let it go," Spencer said. "You don't have to forget, but you have to let it go."

JJ was quiet for a moment. "Have you really moved past Maeve?"

"No," Spencer said. "I'll be honest: I don't think I'm ever going to move past it. I watched the first woman I loved who loved me back right in front of me. It's never going to leave. I've learned that those experiences made me stronger. Why do you think I never went back to dilaudid? I learned that it hurt more than it helped and the only way I'm ever going to get past something is to let go."

"Will you help me through it?" JJ asked.

Spencer smiled at her. "Of course." He stood up. "C'mon. I'll give you a ride home."

"Can you stay a while? Will's working late and I know Henry wants to see you."

"Sure. I've got nothing else to do."

Spencer took her hand in his and pulled her to her feet. He led her outside to his car and drove her home. They spent a bit of time together, Spencer played with Henry a little, and JJ started feeling significantly better.

She knew she was going to get through this.

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><p><strong>Well, how's that for a story about JJ's PTSD? Take that CM writers!<strong>

**Anyway, thanks for reading this story. I'll be back again tomorrow with another post!**

**See ya!**

**-D.C. al Coda**


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